I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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