OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Your dad touched me again.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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