You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
