As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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