so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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