My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
