STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
