He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
