Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
