just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
