i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i dont even know how to be here
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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