Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
