My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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