just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
