guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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