Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
