At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
