Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
