You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
