Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
