I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
