I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
