Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
