I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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