So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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