3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
