Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
