One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
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