Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
