Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
