i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
