It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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