happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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