My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
