I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just pee around me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
