May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
