God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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