there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
