My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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