And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
