is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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