I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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