Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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