so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Are my feet made of real feet?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
