I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My liver just had a heart attack.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
