I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
