Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
