just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Vodka?
Forever.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
