i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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