you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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