Ambien. No doubt about it.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
